Friday, March 28, 2014

Respecting his Friends

This subject was an interesting one for me. One, because of the things mentioned in Ashley's blog. And two, just because of our current life experiences with our friends.

"Girls seem to get a bad rap for hating on their man's friends. Like the moment he gets married he is dragged away from his friends and his wife owns him and keeps him locked up never to be seen again. I think sometimes that stereotype can be somewhat accurate depending on the situation, but also a lot of the time the guy just WANTS to be settled and ends up not hanging out with his friends as much. I get that. (The friends don't usually get that from what I've observed.)"

I think there's some truth to that. I'll admit it. I am probably one of the most clingiest things to ever exist on this planet. Gratefully, Michael is too - but given that I'm a female, six years younger, and not as "seasoned" in my dating life - I beat him on this one. 
From day one until now, we've always spent a lot of time with each other. And there have been times, when he's expressed he misses hanging out with his guy friends.. and quite frankly, I'll take it personally. There have been other times though, that I'll miss hanging out with my girls so we'll have a girls night in/out. Funny thing is, when I let Michael know that I'm going out for the day or evening, he gets sad.
So I do see a good amount of truth from that quote above.


There was something else from Ashley's blog post that spoke to me -
"...instead of always referring back to the good ol' days, continue to HAVE the good ol' days right now."

There's so much truth to this. As much as I adore my time with Michael, and love being able to have him to myself' the last thing I would ever want is to have him sit and think, "Man, I miss the good ole' days with the guys."

These guys have helped shape who Michael is today. And in some areas, probably have had more influence on him than any other group of people. They've been behind him through the bad, and have been right by his side through the good. So if they're important enough to have been with Michael through the thick and thin, then the least I can do is respect them and their time with Michael.

Happy Friday! :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Respecting his family

It's been a while since I've been on here... the subject I read on after respecting his words was respecting his work. I'm going to skip over that, just to prevent any potential misunderstandings. There's nothing to misunderstand, but just in the off chance that something gets misunderstood......too sticky.

So anyways, onto respecting his family. I'm beyond grateful and blessed  to be marrying into such a wonderful family. Do not get me wrong - Michael and I come from different families. We have different backgrounds and we communicate differently. However, at the end of the day, we both have parents and families that value the same things and we place our values in the same priority - the Lord, our family, our work. And that is a huge relief! I can marry this man knowing that whatever we find important, they will find important and will support us. I can also marry this many knowing we can confide in our families and trust that they will give us sound and relevant advice.

There are times even today, that I struggle to communicate with his family comfortably.

I come from a small family - the majority of my extended family living across the country, if not across the world from me. Having just one older sibling and come high school, just one parent. And by the time my parents divorced, my brother was in college so I rarely saw him. Coming from a Korean background, we are very big on respect, and not being outspoken. So although we love to talk and have fun, we aren't overly gregarious.

Michael on the other hand, is one of three sons. And since his parents owned their own company, they worked long and hard hours. But they always had nannies and grandmothers around to care for them. The majority of their extended family live approximately 530 miles from us, so it's not uncommon that they travel back and forth to each other for holidays and special occasions. And with Michael coming from a Southern and Latin background.... he and his family love to talk and be loud! :)

The differences in our families are fun, but at times, there are moments when I get exhausted. These are the times I need to remind myself that I need to still love and respect them and the time we have together. These are the people that have helped shape and form the man I love into who he is today!

So compared to some families out there, we really are able to have a wonderful relationship. But I pray I will never let that allow me to become lazy and comfortable in showing his family my utmost respect. Plus, over the years of us being together, I've realized that our families have more similarities than differences.

Friday, March 14, 2014

of Respecting my [future] husband

Every season of lent, I I always contemplate about what I want to "give up" that year. Much like my New Years Resolutions, I debate between things that are way too easy, to things that are way too unreasonable. Some seasons of lent, I start thinking of things that will help me on a personal level, and then remember what lent is all about, and try to stick a biblical reasoning behind that thing to justify my decision.

This year, after some thought, I decided not to give anything up for lent. I mean, what's the point if I'm going to fail; although I believe last year, I successfully gave up alcohol for lent (woo hoo!). So when my fiance, Michael asked what I was giving up for lent, I pondered for a moment, and told him I decided not to give anything up. I quickly turned the question back on him, and let him ponder about what he'd give up himself. I felt guilty about not giving anything up; so after several hours of internal contemplation, I finally decided to open up my many "Praying for your Husband" pins, and attempt praying one of these prayers for my [future] husband everyday for lent. (And I'm fully aware Michael and I haven't exchanged our "I Do's" yet, but I really don't think there's any harm in getting some extra practice and staying ahead of the game!)
Everything was happy doo-dah over the weekend, and then on Monday evening we had an argument. Honestly, our arguments are never crazy or get out of control, so this one wasn't any different. So anyways, Tuesday morning comes and I'm at my desk at work. What do I pray for him about?
And then it dawned on me. A wife's role is not to pray for her husband's specific needs. A wife's role is to respect her husband, as the church respects Christ.
So then I hit up my dear friend Google and Pinterest, and searched "how to respect your husband".
I came across several blogs and websites, and one of those is Ashley Shellz' "31 Days of Respecting my Husband" series. I'm only on day three, but before I went any further, I wanted to begin sharing my thoughts and findings with whoever may come across this.

soo recap time.
Day 1 was a general post on why we should respect our husband unconditionally. And it's not about whether we think he deserves it or not.
Day 2 was on respecting his words. It had 5 points to help remind me what I could do to be an active listener. Some quotes that spoke to me...
"I am honored to be not only my husband's wife, but his best friend. Someone he can confide in."
"If he is taking the time to talk to me about something - anything - I need to respect that and listen."
"It means actively listening to ALL he has to say. Without thinking the entire time about what I'm going to say next."
What does it mean to be an active listener?

  • Making eye contact
  • Laying aside distractions
  • Responding with body language (facing him, nodding)
  • Clarifying what he's saying
    • "I am often assuming what the person is feeling because that's how I would be feeling - but this isn't always the case."

  • Asking him questions

"Showing respect for my husband's words means letting him know that his words have value."
Day 3 is on respecting him in how I talk about him. So this was actually yesterdays, but I wanted this one to leak over to today's as well. It's not that I intentionally talk poorly about Michael. Let me share my take aways, and explain further.
"I am representing the gospel in my marriage."
"It's one thing to have some lighthearted teasing....But I have to be careful of crossing the line and hurting his feelings, especially around other people. I'm definitely guilty of going too far. And he may not show it. That's the thing - a lot of the time guys don't show that they're hurt. They're usually not as quick to show sensitivity as we ladies are."
"Ask myself if the words are edifying or if I will be tearing him down."
"I think it's frequently innocent - we try to make a joke but it comes out the wrong way and we end up questioning their manhood." 

So you see, even though I may tease him out of endearment, it may not always be received in that manner. And the worst part - is I may never know! That's terrifying to me. To think of all the countless times I could have hurt his feelings... and I'll never know. The even scarier thing is, last night we had dinner with a couple friend of ours. I came home that night, and could not remember whether I did a good job of being cognizant of how I spoke about Michael or not. Scary Mary!!! So I decided to give this one another try. I want to make intentional and successful attempts at each of these topics. So, there you go. Today is Day 3/4 on this journey of mine. I pray God will give me the strength and focus to remain intentional on this.

Okay, it's lunch time. See you tomorrow for a hopeful Day 4/5! :)

PS!!-- I was just introduced to the most interestingly delicious yogurt ever!!

Atlanta Fresh Greek Yogurt's Tropical Sweet Heat!
It's sweet, yet provides a nice warm heat in your mouth. Even better, it's greek yogurt (15 grams of protein) and fat free! Best part? they're local! Not only Atlanta local, but Norcross local! Check it out!