an hour.

I have an hour left till my next/last class of the day.
Interesting how it's been approx. a month since my last blog.. yet it seems like so much longer.. boo.

I don't have any specific topic/thought in mind...
I do know that I'm sick, but getting better..
I do know that I'm never going to be satisfied with my schedule.
..I wish I could taste food.

I am so in love with the color gray.
It's such an unopinionated color.
okay. this is going to annoy me.
I think that "unopinionated" is a word.. dictionary.com does so too, but stupid firefox doesn't... and has it underlined in red.
STOP! :o(

.... I think I have a serious case of ADD.
I blame it on today's society.
I currently have 8 tabs open, and ....wow.. look at that pretty bird..
haha just kidding.
no but seriously.
I'm so preoccupied, that I don't even know what I am to type about.
so... au revoir.

night owl.

It's 5:16am.. and I'm pretty freaking awake..
I can't believe last summer.. I would be waking up at like 4:50am..
interesting how things can change within a year...even within a day.
I have about a year left until I leave for the west, so several days ago, I went to Kroger and bought several composition notebooks so I can journal.
This date, next year... I won't be in GA anymore.. or if I am still here.. I will be uber uber close to leaving for CA.

I felt encouraged to write in this thing today, except.. I'm on my mom's laptop, which doesn't have my blog bookmarked.. so I clicked on the link on my FB page to get here.. and I realized how blinding some of the colors are..
I don't know if it's because it's 5:19am, or if it's because I am without contacts/glasses, or.. if indeed, it really is because I chose crappy colors.
Oh well. and life goes on.

What is the point of a tattoo?
I wish I really knew and understood this.
I want a tattoo.. maybe two.
But as soon as I ask myself, "why?"
..I come back to myself with a blank face and nothing to say.
would you like to know my ideas?
Of course you would. You're empty space.. in the cyber world.. waiting for some loser, like me.. to ramble and babble.
1.) "father, son, holy spirit" in Armaic.. each word placed to form a triangle.
..possibly for my top center back.. under my neck, or my right shoulder blade-ish.
2.) an upside down treble & bass clef to make a heart.
..possibly on my inner wrist, or behind my ear.. or on my ankle
3.) a phoenix
.. on my shoulder blade-ish..
I know it's just a fad, and once it's over and done with (especially when I'm an old grandma) I'm gonna want it off of me..
I just really wish I could know what the point of getting a tattoo is.

What is instinct?
How much power do you give your instincts?
When you're faced with something.. how many times do you listen to the little voice at the back of your head?
I have an extremely huge problem with balancing this... factor, if you will.
I'll go back and forth when trying to come to an answer..
from my emotional reasoning to my rational reasoning.
Quantity comes no where close to quality...
so, I think, as hard as it may be...
I am going to have to let go.. and throw away everything.. for good.
Lately, I've been hearing from left and right..like.. more than I've ever heard in my life all put together.. how physically attractive I am.
And the downtown scum bags booty-callers don't count.
I really.. have never received so many compliments before..
and I've never seen so many people so.. hesitant and afraid to approach me,, because they not only think, but also know that I'm "too good" for them.
It makes me feel kind of uncomfortable.. probably because I am not used to such talk.. so I end up just ignoring it.. and pretend that I didn't hear it.
I'm used to getting compliments on my things.
..my clothes, my shoes, my accessories, my my my my...not.. me.

It's kind of opened my eyes.
People would always tell me to have high expectations when looking in a male..
I think I need to increase my standards on females more though.
Females are extremely...horrible.
And.. we, as females.. know it too.
We know that we're bitches. We know that we use our brains to get what we want. We know it all, yet we continue the cycle, and allow it to spread and affect others.

I have a weakness.
When I fall for a person. Male, Female..doesn't matter.
I fall freaking gosh darn hard.
I will and have become slaves for many.
I'll say, "yes" to whatever you ask me to do.. without thinking, of course.
And then later, realize what I was asked to do.. and curse at myself.
I'll make these promises because at that moment.. I'm so in love with that person.. and I want to do and give all for that person (please continue to keep in mind that this goes for both genders and all ages.) and then later realize I am in no situation to be doing such things.

I always try to watch and learn from others.. see how they end up getting the upper hand, and still have people loving and wanting them.. and I keep mental notes. But as soon as a situation comes to my face, I go straight back to my naive retardedness.

Do I throw away the only two friendships that I've maintained for so many years?
Logically, I have every right and reason to..
Emotionally, I am far to weak to.
For the past 21+ years, I have lived with an emotional brain. I've had people next to me guiding and molding me with logical reasoning, but I am an emotional liver.
Dear Lord, won't you guide me and help me to do what is right.
And if I think of it like that.. throwing away anyone is not an option.. for everyone is put into my life for a reason.. but is this also emotional reasoning? or is it logical?

One more year, and I am out of here.
Dear God, won't you give me the strength and wisdom to endure this thing that you've bestowed upon me...haya.

three...tres...trois.

It's only been three days, yet it feels like it's been thirty-three days...
I don't know if that's good or bad..
Initially, I thought it was bad, cus usually time flies when you have fun, but the fat that I'm noticing the time "fly" by... shows that I'm not enjoying this..
or maybe, I'm used to this type of eating... so it feels like I've done this since forever.. *shrugs*

I went shopping yesterday.. I realized, I don't like shopping.. what I like is to be able to easily & quickly find alll these pretty clothes and try them on, and they look fabulous on me. pah.

I didn't work out this morning either... chica slept in an hour....again. -_-
I feel bloated
and sluggish
and lazy
and gross.

anyways..

For my main meals... I got me some brown rice, the usual veggies, olive oil, salt, and this time.. I added some balsamic vinaigrette.. I'm actually excited about today's meal.. it's got a bit of a "tang" to it ;)

also! last night.. in addition to eating the little potato concoction up.. I made a little salad with spinich leaves, diced tomatoes, & carrots wiiiith *dun dun dunnn*
olive oil, salt, & balsamic vinaigrette.. and that mess is BANGIN'!
haha.. actually, I didn't really care for the carrots & spinach, but I love tomatoes.. and balsamic vin.. yomyom. I literally ate enough spinach to feed all of popeye & his family..

my current worry..
I'm having dinner with my friend from Korea that I haven't seen in what.. 4 years? I made reservations to Cafe Circa & Sundial,, for dessert
....I'm soooo in a dilemma.. *sigh* :*(

I suppose this is all for now.. ciaobye!

day dos

The hardest thing about this project, is the fact that I have a nose.
I'm not hungry... but my stomach is filled with all this.. rabbit/baby food. So, when I smell something a bit more...PETA unfriendly.. I go crazy.
I've been craving a sub... I can eat a sub, right? hmm..
I also wonder.. how am I do make a salad dressing?
Ironic how there's so much effort put into a diet consisting such primitive foods.

I don't know how Daniel and his buddies came out with better health conditions after this... because personally, I'm wolfing down carbs like there is no tomorrow...

Speaking of no tomorrows.. I watched "2012" last night.. interesting movie.
I can't help but kind of worry... I know it may be another fluke, like the y2k bug.. but y2k bug wasn't about the extinction of the human race..
I realized, by winter of 2012, I'm going to be in California.. maybe I'll be in Yellowstone Park on Dec 12..juust like Charlie. hah, I kid.

Anyways. yesterday, my lunch/dinner consisted of pasta, bell peppers, spinach, salt, onions, aaand que mas..?

Last night, after my viewing of 2012, I got me some potaters, asparagus, all them other veggies, olive oil, & salt (my one and only source of flavor..) and steamed/sautéed that mess up together, and plopped this creation into a huge tupperware.

This morning,,
I woke up an hour & 15 mins late..
goodbye work.out! except.. as I was leaving my neighborhood, I realized my first class was cancelled.. Of course, lazy me-- did not turn around to grab my gym bag x)
Gobbled down a sweet potater, bananer, y 2 loaves of bread.

---randommmm::
Last night, I dreamt that I was in my uncle & aunt's house over in cali..
I also dreamt that I accidentally, thoughtlessly ate something that I wasn't supposed to. I'm so careless, that it's actually a realistic threat :x

I suppose that is all, ciao bella!<3

day ONE! go go go~~*

So, I watched that Julia & Julie movie several weeks ago.. I didn't love it.. but I thought that it was nice how Julie embarked on a little adventure..
Out of boredom, I've decided to see if I could go 21 days without eating anything...not-primitive.
Daniel Fast is what it's called, but I don't want to call it that.. because the word "fast" makes it sound all holy.. and spiritual..& those are not my intentions.
Daniel Diet is another name, but that makes it sound like I'm doing some.. banana/lemon fad diet/cleanser.. which is also not what I'm after.
I have opted to calling it "my Daniel thing."
Isn't that perfect?
Specific enough to where you'll know what I'm talking about, yet ambiguous enough to give this project's purpose some space :).

--

I went to the store last night,, after watching "Did You Hear About the Morgans?"
which by the way, I thought the movie was really awkward.. and the two had no chemistry..
I blame it on SJP.. I don't think the role was very fitting for her
..but then again, that could be a biased remark.. cus I love Hugh Grant<3
Anyways,,
bought some veggies and beans..
went back home and made pasta.
I was scared that it would be bland.. considering I used only salt & cayenne pepper to season, but I realized vegetables are quite flavorful!
This thought led me to another-- when we use pasta sauce for pasta.. it's amazing how much flavor from the components are just sucked out!

Breakfast & Dinner do not worry me much, as I usually have a banana & pb&honey sandwich (the latter, I cannot consume for this thing, so I've replaced the sandwich with an apple & edemames.)

Lunch, also does not worry me much,, I just need to replace the meat factor with some greens or beans or potaters or vatever.

I worry about the "going out and eating with friends."
yes. this is & will continue to be my greatest concern & fear.
Oh, I am also abstaining from coffee. no caffeine!

SO this morning, I woke up all swollen eyed; KNOCKED out on marta; aaand arrived to the SRC brain dead.
I started my workout with anaerobic stuff... and it was all oh so very sluggish.
I even dozed off on the mat while doing some core workouts (oooops.)
But do you know what the amazing thing about running when I'm brain dead is??
Because I'm running without thought, I'm able to run so much more...
I don't know whether I should be pleased about this or frustrated.
This clearly means that my body is capable of doing xxmiles, but because of my active brain, I end up doing xx-x number of miles. Sure, the few times where I'm running brain dead- I get some extra minutes in... but if only I were brain dead everyday!
I'd be running more than Salina Kosgei! kidding.
The power and control my brain has over my body is interesting, yet frightening.

oh! last weekend, I bought this sunscreen lotion.. and I'm in love with it!
it's spf50, and it's not greasy, nasty smelling at all.. :)<3
of course, it's not exactly the silkiest, best-smelling product ever, but for sunblock-- it's money! x)

I've blabbered long enough.. hopefully not all my posts will be this long..

ciaobye!

purpose,,direction,, day ZERO.

In an attempt to put some direction and purpose in the life of this blog,

I'm going to use it as a little journal for the next... hmm, how long should I set the time frame for...?

is 40 days too long?

I suppose, I'll do it for 21 days- the length that Daniel sustained his little humdrum for..

what am I talking about you ask?..

I plan to take on the Daniel fast.

I don't think I can do this.. but I think I should start tomorrow, because I decided to do this impulsively, and my lunch consists of mucho meat. HAH.

some thoughts going through my mind..

- Me not being able to drink coffee worries me the most

- Along with me not being able to eat out with friends.

- I can picture myself accidentally eating something that I'm not supposed to...

merely because I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to. This sucks & no bad intentions were present... but I've come to learn and realize that intentions are worth nothing in this world.

...this is going to be interesting.

wish me luck! :)

I hate coffee breath.

I forgot to chew gum this morning after I drank my coffee... and even though I've eaten a banana.. the coffee breath is swimming around my mouth. YUCK!

I hate being so obsessed with reasons.
reasons, answers, hypothesis, explanation, excuse,...what have you.
I wish I could be told, "cus that's just the way it is." and be tooootalllly okay with that crummy & thoughtless "answer."

When I'm....breathing, & not actively occupied with something, my mind is afloat... One of the few things that usually occupies my mind is, "why."
Why is blue....called "blue?"
Why isn't it fdsa?
It's almost like a 3-year old's brain on crack.

Another thing that almost always crosses my noggin.
Why is the majority of homeless people..black? (by black, I mean African American...not African, Jamaican, Dom. Republican, Aborigines, etc...)
Why not asian? hispanic? white? indian? etcetc...?
Okay, if you're white and homeless, you're kind of the epitome of fail.
I mean... you took this land and made it yours.. made your own rules up..kicked those that bothered you out...etc.
But doesn't it make sense for the minorities to be homeless?
For the most part, they don't speak English... the language of the land that they live in...
Because they're immigrants, the web of people they know is probably (or at least should be) far smaller than that of these black people...
I don't get it. You speak the language.. for the majority, you're not handicapped...and since you are the descendant of slaves that lasted, you are clearly made up of pretty decent genes.
I don't get it.. maybe it's because immigrants saved up a bit... but I mean, there are a good number of people that have screwed up their entrepreneurial businesses and have claimed bankruptcy...etcetc they're not homeless.
Even in this state of economy, there are plenty of jobs available for brainless twats.
I see "Help Wanted," "Now Hiring" signs pretty frequently...
So what is it?

So in conclusion, until there is a legit reason to explain and defend this group of ...people. I refuse to feel sorry for non-handicapped English speaking bums.



goooooooooooodness, I'm so thankful my essay is done with.. and that it's almost Friday, but jeebus. Can't it be Friday night already? I just want to sleep...and then indulge and waffle house. YUM.
the saddest thing is, I've actually been getting acceptable amounts of sleep this week..especially with the consideration of the workload that I've been given.

Am I making any sense?
Am I alone in this world of blabbering?
Helloo! (hello .. ello.... llo...oo...)<----- that's echo, by the way.
Okay, I've had too much caffeine. good day.

I WANT SOME GREASY FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
okay seriously. adios.

play time's over

The greatly anticipated Friday night has come & gone... and it is now a Monday... a mundane Monday.
Friday was fun, I don't remember too much... but after a lovely 4.5 hours of sleep, I woke up at 9:30 the next day ready for some 라면...yum.
I do remember one thing.. there was this latin guy.. from what I remember and from my judgment at that time (I'll let you decide for yourself how legit those two things are..) was pretty attractive.. had asked me to dance...
latino: I want to dance with you..
me: mmmm, I'm not drunk enough for that yet...
*walks away non chalantly in great spirits*
HAHA. it still gives me giggles to think that I said that.. I wish I stayed long enough or actually remembered to look at his reaction.. cus that's a pretty blunt and hard blow. oops

at around 3-4am,, as my sister-in-law's closing up our tab, and I'm standing around in the vip, the same guy comes up to me and asks me to dance again.. saying he's been trying to dance with me alll night.. it was really almost endearing. poor fellow. He probably thinks I'm racist- which, I am...but I'm not towards the Latinos! oh well.

soooo
I don't know where my motivation and my obsessive freak out tense self has gone... because I'm back to my laid back self..and it's not good. not good at all. I need to stop hitting the books..really, very soon. A sobering thought,, spring break's in a month. lord.

Minnows are faster than guppies...yah? I think I'm able to promote myself to the title of a minnow..hooray :) "just keep swimmin' just keep swimmin...."

I'm so sleepy. I wish I could just sleep and bum and sleep and bum and eat and sleep for like.. a week straight. weekends are far too short for my needs. Although, after a 12-day work week-- this past weekend of fun & chill was pretty frantastic.

I have an hour until my next class.. let's see if I can get my little butt off this chair to a table to read and actually comprehend my insipid book with its interminable amount of reading.BLAH.


--ciao bellas<3>

biblioteca.

Saturday afternoon... weather is chilly & drizzly...
It's been a while since I've taken the time to be hypnotized by mr.victor kim, sooo.. I took the liberty of doing that..
victor's yellow cover on the ukulele ;)
I love this video.. probably cus he plays his uke in it.. I love the uke. :)
...there's this mountain/road in santa barbara called gibraltar that I absolutely adore going to at night... there's this little ledge that you can pull off to.. and you can see a gorgeous view of sb.. but more than that.. if you look up, the stars that are looking down at you are so so close & bright..
I wish I could build a house ...or a shack, rather... on that tiny tiny ledge and have a glass ceiling so that the last things I see before I drift off to sleep are those stars... it's my favoritest place ever.
I listen to this song and that place of awesomeness comes to mind...

going back to ukulele's...another favorite.. :)

lydia paek & victor kim's cover...
she's so ..cool. hahaha I'm so jealous of all the things she's capable of doing..

gabe bondoc.another beautiful piece of creation.

iu & 나윤권's 첫사랑이죠

---

okay, enough music talk.

Ritter is nasty. I know there are many many more like him.. if not than worse than him.. and he is stuck with the publicity due to his position and relation to the UN...same goes for Woods... these acts are nothing new... but it doesn't change the fact that they're wrong.
I mean seriously, how're you going to be doing crap like that when you have 2 daughters of your own.
disgusting.

there was also a report on the high number of prostitutes.. and people protesting..
why?
unless they're forced and sold off into it, it's their decision.. no?
If they really feel that the need for money is that great.. than why not allow it?
I don't know.. maybe I'm being a tad bit morbid & insensitive.. but it's how I feel on those kinds of things.. it's your decision.. it's your life.. face the consequences.

caramel macchiato .

Tuesday morning.
woke up a bit late, but still got ready and left and got on marta on time :)
I'm awesome.

with 14 minutes to spare until my next class, I sit in the rec center to write in the blog that no one reads. :)

First class: American Lit.

Professor is another hippie woman (surprise...)
She has glasses, and had braided pigtails.
I don't mention these to prove her hippie-ness
...only mentioned to further show her .....eccentric self.

She said she loved.. cylons? cyborgs? battlestar galactica? dollhouse? patrick henry...
goes and dresses for dragoncon...and talked about other such sci-fi... "geektastic" things that I know no such thing about...
interestingly enough, it seems like I was the only person in that class to not know what she was talking about.
in short, the class is full of losers. fantastic.
I don't know if I'm extremely uneducated and ignorant to "american culture (if you will), or if these people are on a whole different level of idiocity than what I've already been exposed to...
either way.. I've come this farhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif without knowing that....stuff.
but then again,, I haven't come very far in life.. and the distance that I have traveled... I've made a good number of mistakes...sooooo I don't know.. I suppose which one I am, is up for grabs...

She also said, "me and my friend."
nice english skills, sci fi dork.

Her personality seems relatively chill as long as you don't test her..fair enough...
it seems as if she's been bullied around and had her authorities questioned a lot as a child..I'm not surprised.

She also used, "fair enough" as if it were the only two words within her vocabulary...

whatever..
the day is still young, and it is now time for busa!
ciaobellas.<3

quiero hablar..

remember the xanga days?
hahaha I was obsessed.
well. my blabber fingers that were on hibernation is finally awakening.


first day of school.

so, I want to wake up at 4:20, I set alarm 1 for 4:40, and alarm 2 for 4:48, I get out of bed at 4:52.

don't you love my punctuality?

I get on marta and open my bookbag to grab my ipod & I realize,, no notebook, no paper...
instead- I see lunch... fiber one bar... bottle of water... chapstick... laptop, usb cord, battery charger, crackers, apple, topless pen, wallet- perfect. sooo ready and well-prepared for school.

at the pool . . .
my current physical state has never been so pronounced until this morning when I saw myself in the mirror with my swim suit on. ..joy.

I planned on swimming for 2 hours this morning.. after 20 minutes, I found myself looking at the clock to see how long I had swam for....

I approve on speedo making swimsuits & goggles.. but they need to steer away from swim caps... they really failed.


first class.. ..accounting
the whole 50minutes was spent on going over the syllabus. How dare she insult my intelligence by reading the damn thing to me... I must admit, it was a nice bedtime story.. cus I knocked out.. and woke up realizing I had lost my one & only writing utensil... darn.

gorilla? koala? panda? piglette.
usually, the issue is not being able to get me to the gym, but once I'm there.. I'm money ;)
.....today,,
I got to the gym aye okay.. but I just wanted to leave.. even when I had 5 minutes left.. I wanted to leave... we're in trouble here, houston. :: no motivation.

my apple is now finished.
I would like to go home.
good night dear citizens<3